This has been a topic of interest in another active thread, and I find it interesting myself ... so I thought it deserved its own thread. And this forum was the perfect place for it. I do feel that talking about this too much can be harmful as well though, as some people on Sub may feel the urge to jump off before they're ready if they're made to feel like they're missing out too much on a quality of life.
From the point of view of those who WERE on Sub, and are now abstinent, how do you think the feeling of Sub compares with being opioid free? I remember Laddertipper talking about how life seemed more fulfilling / engaging now she was off buprenorphine. I can relate to this in some ways, as I felt more emotionally involved in life when I was doing the abstinence shuffle. Buprenorphine, and to a greater amount methadone, does create an emotional buffer for me. This was exactly why I loved opioids in the first place. They detached me from my life emotionally.
While I am much more in touch with myself and people around me ON sub than I was in addiction, it still does have that mild agonist effect.
I noticed this a lot when I was scuba diving at the start of the year. When I was clean, diving was a massive buzz for me. Dropping down 30ms on top of a reef shark got me pumped and I'd be on a high after every dive. When I dived this year on Sub, it did feel a bit like "meh ... moray eel ... cool ... whatever". It was less engaging. Same went for when I went cliff diving / rafting ... general adrenaliney things have felt a bit blunted.
While I did feel more in-on-the-action when I was off opioids, it had its negatives too. I felt life's ups and downs a lot more. And for someone with bipolar whos emotions can be overwheling at times, crying over a piano, sometimes I missed the relative obliviousness of opioids. And I DID actually crave buprenorphine, because I KNEW if I busted on buprenorphine my life wouldn't self-destruct within a couple of weeks. But in my city, heroin is a lot easier to find than Suboxone. And if you want Suboxone, you HAVE TO pick it up every day. Not every few weeks for a bit of a holiday.
One thing that Laddertipper said resonated with me a lot ... that her memories of her life on buprenorphine were a blur. Large periods of my life, especially those while I was in addiction or maintenance, are a blur for me while I'm abstinent. I know that if I stopped buprenorphine now, a lot of memories from my relationship and the things I've done while on it would deteriorate. I dunno if it's a state-dependent thing -memories we make on a drug are harder to recall when we're no longer on it?
I'm interested in how everyone's feeling now post-Sub ... what were the benefits of living on Sub compared to clean of opioids?
How do you stay clean with H so readily available? I am far from being off subs, not even going there-I know that if I stopped now, id crash and burn. I suppose I actually feel CLEARER on SUBS rather than shooting dope every day. I can't compare it to anything else, which is sad. One day, I may be able to compare clean life vs. sub life. Right now, I feel clear, grounded and in control.