Thanks you guys for the kind words. Yeah bboy I have a drug counselor I go to outpatient 2 times a week and was going 3 times a week until recently when they lowered my attendance to 2 days for doing well and since Ive been there for about 5 months. It realy helps alot although we do disagree on a few things, she doesnt tell me to get off sub but she doesnt understand that ORT is only effective usualy in the long term. Ive told her how I have not been doing well on 4mgs and Im gonna increase my dose when and if I get on the PAP but she says "I talked to my staff and they all agree that your body should be used to that dose by now and you dont need anymore" she doesnt understand the ceiling effect and that you have to be at or above the ceiling to reduce cravings no matter how much I try to explain it. I dont get why she views ORT as something that should be short term because she used to work the window at a methadone clinic years ago and was actualy on methadone herself for awhile. Jackcrack I don't have a therapist because I cant afford it but I would love to have one and think it would be very beneficial to me, I too dont realy like NA/AA but I go because treatment recommends it so Im trying to give it a chance. I just cant stand how 12 step groups act like they dont preach god or religion but then at the same time thats all anyone talks about when they share. I think they talk about it constantly on purpose in order to weed out the non religous people and scare them off, maybe thats just negative thinking on my part but it just seems that way to me. I have no problem with people who believe in god but its just not my thing to get of bed and drop to my knees and pray every morning. I dont know what I believe in, I dont believe in some almighty being who watches over everyone every single day and guides them but I do believe in something greater than me. One thing about meetings that annoys me is when you bring up that your life isnt going the way you'd like and you are having a hard time and they always say to me "your life is rigged, god has layed out everything in your life already and you are just going down the path he's already layed out for you". I dont believe that at all I think people make their own life and their own way its not already chosen for them. Another thing about meetings that bothers me is that sometimes you just wanna get something off your chest that is bothering you but meetings dont realy make that possible because every meeting has some specific topic or its a step group or a big book cough cough bible study meeting so you gotta stay with whatever the topic is. I wish somehow people could start a sub/methadone anonymous for people like us so we could be around people who understand us.
Yea I stop bothering with groups a while back they just donâ€™t work for me. And I canâ€™t stand people who have been part of the group for years think they are drug counselors and know whatâ€™s best for me and how my Dr does or did this wrong and I should off been off this or that a long time ago. Or how you have a person who was able to do short term with SUBOXONE so that means everyone should to that person. I guess I canâ€™t stand people thinking they are smarter than my DR cause they disagree with SUBOXONE.
Yea thatâ€™s good you see a counselor they help a lot but that suck you canâ€™t see a private therapist thatâ€™s where I got most of my help was in those one on ones over the past 4 years. But seeing any counselor shows you are serious about your recovery and thatâ€™s good. As to here not seeing eye to eye with you on things I can understand that been there b4. But all counselors have a different outlook so some you agree with some you donâ€™t.
Well saw the joint Dr again was told the same thing as b4 that I can do the surgery but it would coast me a fortune and my health insurance wonâ€™t give me full coverage on the operation because of some BS issue. So I see my Dr on Wednesday and goanna let him know that I am seriously thinking of making this change to methadone. But what it comes down to is if he will prescribe it to me like I said he is my normal health DR as well so he can if he wants too and if he says no than I got to go the clinic route which will be a pain because they are all in the heart of the ghetto and that brings back bad memories and cravings for me. I donâ€™t know what to do at this point. SUBOXONE is worthless to me at this point ive accepted that and its time to be honest with myself that it doesnâ€™t help and if I continue down this route relapse is possible.