Having withdrawls on 24mg of suboxone daily

I've been on Sub since mid- October an never had a urine test.

Good for you Mia - you're making good decisions and taking care of yourself. How are you feeling? Have your physical symptoms improved? You definately sound better emotionally. Keep up the good work, you're doing great!
Lilly

Hi Everyone,
Hope you're all doing well. I haven't written in a while because I have had so much going on. Since the last time I've written, I've moved, my boyfriend since age 13 broke up with me and my best friend since grade school decided she no longer wanted to be friends with me due to my suicide attempt in Feb. Things with the suboxone are alright... I am really started to get to a point where I dread taking them... just the smell of them nausiates me... and lately with everything going on.. I have had some cravings. I sure miss that "thats okay" feeling. The symptoms I was having before pretty much subsided.. I still get the sweats daily.. but I did read that it was a side effect. I have had the body cramps, but not as frequently. I'm not doing the whole "painting" around my mouth because in all honesty.. I just cant stand the taste. I'm just leaving it under my tongue till its completely gone.. sometimes I'll spit out the remaining "orange juice" for lack of a better term.. but I did that for a few days and I think I was spitting out too much of the actual medicine. I do drink after its completely dissolved because I have to... ugh, just cant stand that taste! Why cant we just swallow these like we're so used to doing with our regular habits? I don't get it!

Thanks again for all of the support!

Hi Mia,

First of all I just want to say I'm really sorry to hear about your boyfriend and your best friend. You need all the support you can get right now and I really hope that you have another friend in your life now that is supportive and that you can talk to. I'm afraid that your best friend really isn't your friend if she left your side now. You have had so much loss already in your young life, I can't imagine what you are going through.

Why did you have to move? Are you living with someone?

As for your sub, I'm happy to hear that it is working better for you and that you are feeling better. As for the taste, I've heard some people say that they suck on a mint at the same time and that helps. As for the cravings, I think you are right, that you have a lot going on, so it's probably pretty normal to want to "numb" those feelings. It takes a long time to learn how to deal with our feelings. Are you seeing a therapist? For me, it actually took a relapse for me to realize how much I hated those pills. For some reason I started to remember only the good things about oxy's and really missed them. When I relapsed I hated that foggy feeling and was so happy to get back on my sub and feel "normal" again. I hope it doesn't take a relapse for you to realize how horrible taking opiates again really is. It's just not worth all they rob from you.

I'm glad you posted to let us know how you are doing. You really do need a lot of support right now so stick around and post more often. As you know this is an awesome site with a lot of really great people that will always support you.

Take care and be good to yourself!

Ginger

Hi Mia. Thanks for posting an update. It sounds like things are better in some ways, at least in terms of your addiction treatment. But worse, in terms of you're having to move and dealing with relationship problems/break ups. I agree with Ginger.....a 'friend' who would dump you at this time, was never a good friend to begin with. My best friend since 7th grade (we're both 46 yrs old now) gave me a little framed piece of art years ago which says, "A friend is someone who dances with you in the sunlight and walks beside you in the darkness." That is what a true friend does. They don't bail on you when you are fragile enough to have attempted suicide! And as far as boyfriends go.....well, good riddance to him too if he'd leave you knowing everything you've been through! I'm just so sorry they've done this to you. Sometimes it's difficult for me to even wrap my mind around how people who claim to care for us (or did at some point) can be so worthless when we really need their love and support the most. It is just hurtful and so disappointing. Even worse than that, I think it sometimes leaves us feeling that much less willing to reach out and invest ourselves into new relationships, for fear that they will always disappoint us. I do hope that doesn't happen to you.....that you will not give up in reaching out and that you do have some other people in your life who are standing by you.
I wish you didn't hate the taste of Sub so much. That's got to make it that much harder to take it every day! But right now, you don't have a choice. You need this medication badly. Especially given that you're still having some cravings. Which is normal, in my opinion. I think most all of us miss that feeling of the opiates sort of "taking us away." I often referred to the feeling as my "mental vacations." And I do miss those mental vacations from time to time. But the reality is, those damn vacations were expensive....and they never lasted long enough.....and they were never as good as the first few vacations.....and my loved ones don't want me going on vacation again.....and if I do, they may not let me come back! So, that is not an option. No matter how appealing it may seem.....you do not want to go there Mia! Your life is precious. You have a future that can be better than your past. You've been through so much and I hate for you that it's still so hard. But just keep hanging on and don't give up. It can get better. Don't let these people who have let you down take you to the point of relapse. They're not worth it!
Keep posting here and let us know what we can do to help.
_________________
You can't undo anything you've already done, but you can face up to it. You can tell the truth. You can seek forgiveness. And then let God do the rest.

Mia, I just wanted to echo the support that others have offered. TRUE friendship is unconditional, and while I can certainly understand that some people would have great difficulty dealing with their friend's suicide attempt, it seems extremely counter-intuitive for a "friend" to disappear after such an event. I am so sorry that you have been "left in the lurch" that way and I'm also sorry to hear about your boyfriend and you breaking up. Emotional issues like this can often lead to some seriously bad stinking thinking for us addicts, and doing what you just did - getting those thoughts out, on the table, and into the daylight, is one way to defend against relapse. So GOOD FOR YOU! You're a fighter, I can tell. So keep fighting the fight, because YOU are worth it.

We are here for you. I know I'm not going anywhere, this web site is like my daily substance abuse meeting. Cool

I hope you are well, and please know that you are in my thoughts.

Mia,

I am incredibly proud of you and impressed because here you are, only 3 months later, reaching out and TALKING to people about what is happening for you instead of holing up in a room getting high or escaping. That is a HUGE change. I agree with everyone else that your friend apparently wasn't a friend to begin with. I had a very similar experience with my friend several years back when I was still getting high and was extremely suicidal. I mentioned this and her response was that she wasn't sure we should be friends anymore. At the same time she was asking why I didn't tell her sooner. Then she asked a few weeks later if I would go to one of her therapy appointments (my friend was actually a therapist herself) and I agreed. Only again, I was being used because she has a tendency to drop her friends or feel no need for them and she was working on that issue with her therapist. Her therapist sucked. I never talked to this "friend" again. She dropped off a wedding gift on my doorstep and I never called her again. Clearly this person was never a friend and it was hard. We were "best friend" since college. BUT....over time I realized she was a waste of my time anyways and today, I have much better friends who are NOT a waste of my time. I have friends who were there for me getting off the suboxone and getting back on it. They were wonderful and supportive and STILL HERE. You will find that too.

I'm glad you are starting to feel a little bit better on the suboxone. It does take some time to learn to deal with feelings. I am still doing it. Several others here have talked about it too. In time, it becomes easier and you learn new techniques for dealing with feelings other than taking a pill. Then it become rare that you even think of taking a pill when you have feelings. You just have to keep up with the therapy and keep giving yourself time. But you are already doing that and your parents would be really proud of you I am sure.

I don't know what to say about the taste of the sub. It doesn't bother me at all. I am one of the lucky ones. Of course I smoke so I am sure half of my tasebuds are dead and if I had them all it would probably gross me out too. It's too bad they can't come up with some kind of solution to temporarily deaden your taste buds so people could take certain medicines. I can't take robitussin or any cough syrup because it makes me want to vomit so bad.

Keep up the good work. Keep sticking around. Things will get better.

Cherie

Thanks to everyone for the encouraging words.

I do feel like a bit of a "fraud" after reading all of your messages. I am not "choosing" to not take pills.. I dont really have much of a choice.. the people I used to get them from are out of my life. Plus, since the whole suicide attempt, I've pretty much been on "lock down". I honestly dont know what will happen once I get back out in the real world. The bottom line of it all is that I am living in a world that I dont belong in... where the people that I loved most are gone. It's basically not a life worth living. I would never try the suicide route again but its just too faulty.. I mean, I gave it my hardest attempt... and still woke up in a hospital bed.

Anyways, ty all for the support. It is nice venting to people who I will never meet... atleast I know I'm not being judged. I hope the support will be still offered even though I am not off of drugs by choice. I would honestly understand either way at this point.

Hi again, Mia,

I wanted to let you know I completely understand what you mean by "not being off drugs by choice". Although I didn't attempt suicide, I did end up in the hospital because of my drug abuse. While I was in the hospital they put me on Suboxone. I didn't choose it and they didn't even bother to explain to me what it was. I had heard about it, but knew next to nothing about it or how it worked. (And I didn't feel good about the lack of informed consent, but that's a different story.) I was in the hospital for a week. I had known that if something didn't happen I would have died. So I stayed on the subs even after I was released. For the first couple of months I felt like I was only sober because of other people's choices and actions and not mine. You could say I was in a funk for quite a while. I tried abusing my subs, even snorting them. (I'm quite ashamed to admit.) Then one day as I was crushing them up and getting ready to abuse my nasal cavity yet again, I looked up into the mirror and saw what I was doing. I acknowledged that I hadn't chosen to get "clean", but more importantly, I acknowledged that I HATED still wanting to get high and abhorred the way I was living/trying to live. I threw the crushed subs into the sink and washed them down. I decided right then and there that I now CHOOSE to live without drugs.

My point to all this is that even though you didn't choose to stop taking drugs, you ARE living drug-free. The rest - the stuff in your head - will come with time. I am living proof that no matter how you get there, the point is that you ARE THERE. You CAN do this.

I hope this helps you even a little bit - at the very least I hope you don't feel so alone in all this.

Hang in there and know that no matter what you have our support.

Melissa
_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

Mia,

If you really wanted to get high you would find a way so don't be so quick to cut yourself short on your progress. I am sure right now life does not seem worth living. I am sure that over time things will get better. I can't tell you how many times I have been ready to just be done with it all. But it always gets better. It will get better for you too even though it doesn't seem like it right now. Eventually you will make your own family and although you will never stop missing your parents, you will find a way to move on and keep going. The thing about life is that it NEVER stays the same.

Keep hanging in there.

Cherie

HEY EVERYONE,

THANKS ONCE AGAIN FOR BEING SO COMFORTING... GLAD THERE ARE SOME OUT THERE WHO CAN RELATE TO HOW I FEEL RIGHT NOW. I ALSO WANTED TO TALK ABOUT A HORRIBLE REACTION I HAD LAST NIGHT AND SEE IF THIS HAPPENED TO ANYONE ELSE ASWELL. MY PSYCHIATRIST WROTE ME A SCRIPT FOR AMBIEN CR AND SAID IT SHOULDN'T BE A PROBLEM WITH THE SUBS... BOY WAS SHE WRONG! I BROKE OUT INTO A DRENCHED SWEAT, MY HEAD SPUN AND POUNDED, I HAD A RASH ALL OVER, MY BODY CRAMPED AND THREW UP VIOLENTLY. ALL THE NOISES AROUND ME SEEMED TO DRAG... IT WAS JUST AWFUL. HAS THE AMB
IEN + SUB COMBO DONE THIS TO ANYONE ELSE?

I'M ALSO GETTING SOME QUESTIONS TOGETHER TO ASK MY NEW DOCTOR... LET ME KNOW IF ANY OF YOU HAVE ANSWERS TO THEM.
1. I HAVE CHRONIC MIGRAINE/TENSION HEADACHES. I AM USUALLY PRESCRIBED FURENAL OR PHENERLEN FORTE. AM I ABLE TO TAKE EITHER OF THESE WITH THE SUBS.. AND IF NOT, WHAT CAN I TAKE?

2. MY PSYCHIATRIST WROTE ME A SCRIPT FOR CELEXIA AND RESIRAL TO SLEEP, WILL THESE COMBINE BADLY?

3. (I KNOW I'VE MENTIONED THIS BEFORE) I HAVE TO GET A ROOT CANAL AND POSSIBLE A WISDOM TOOTH PULLED. I HAVE A VERRRY LOW PAIN TOLERANCE.. WHAT CAN I TAKE? I'M JUST NOT THE KIND OF GIRL MOTRIN WILL HELP, PLUS, IT HURTS MY TUMMY! LOL

THESE ARE MY 3 MAIN THINGS THAT I WOULD LIKE TO TALK ABOUT WITH HIM. HE SOUNDS LIKE HE'S THE KIND OF DOCTOR A LOT OF YOU DESCRIBED. ONLY TAKES TESTS RANDOMLY, NOT MONTHLY. I WILL WRITE HOW IT GOES NEXT WEEK . OTHER THEN THAT, I WENT SHOPPING FOR THE FIRST TIME TODAY WITHOUT BEING MEDICATED, AND LET ME TELL YOU, IT SUCKED! IT WAS ONE OF THE MOST FRUSTRATING EXPERIENCES EVER! IT'S SO NICE TO JUST SHOP WHEN YOU'RE SEDATED, NO CARES.. NO WORRIES.. JUST FLOAT AROUND AS YOU SHOP... NOW I'VE GAINED SO MUCH WEIGHT FROM ALL THE PILL POPPING THAT I'M IN A WAY BIGGER SIZE THEN I FORMERLY WAS.

I'M SURE ALL OF YOU HAVE HAD SIMILAR EXPERIENCES (:

HATMAKER: TY FOR SHARING YOUR STORY WITH ME.. INTERESTING TO KNOW WE WERE BOTH STARTED ON THE SUBS IN THE HOSPITAL WITHOUT AN INDUCTION.

Glad my story helped a little.

I take Celexa with Suboxone with no ill effects - at least none that I've noticed. I'm sorry you had such a bad reaction to Ambien! I personally have no idea if it was the combination of taking it with the sub, but I highly doubt it. I used to take Ambien with other opiates, and sometimes it helps to think of suboxone simply as an opiate.

Good luck with the doctor!
_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

I unfortunately don't have answers to any of your medical questions so hopefully someone else can help with that. I can empathize with the shopping issue and unfortunately, most women slowly grow from high school on so it generally becomes more and more frustrating. I wish I could be the size 7 (I'm very tall) that I was in high school. These days my hips cannot go below a size 10. PERIOD. And I haven't worn a size ten in at least 7 years now either. You get used to it.

Cherie

Well guys, the blows just keep on coming..

I found out the rash I thought was from the Ambien wasn't actually caused by it at all.. I have a horrible tooth infection and may need to have dental surgery tomorrow or Friday. I spiked a 103 fever and I feel basically awful. I'm also really concerned with the pain aspect.. I will be the first to admit, I am horrible at tolerating pain. Any ideas on what they can possibly do for me? I'm not an ibuprophen kind of girl.

Mia that just sucks! I would suggest you stop your suboxone NOW. And definitely let your dentist know about the suboxone, because they'll need to prescribe higher than normal doses of pain meds to get past the sub. I'm really sorry about this. Try to hang in there and let us know how you're doing when you're able.
_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

Hatmaker:

Today I had my first experience with "suboxone discrimination" today. I was told I had an infection and needed dental surgery.. then, the minute I said I was on suboxone, I was turned away. THIS is coming from a dentist I've been going to for atleast 10 years. I am now stuck needing dental surgery and looking for a dentist. I swear, the blows just don't stop...

The dentist REFUSED to do the surgery?! WTF?! Mia, that's outrageous and I'm so sorry. You must be in a great deal of pain, not to mention the fact that infection is running rampant through your body. I won't say what I think of your dentist right now...

What do you think about calling your sub doctor and asking her/him to call your dentist? Apparently the dentist needs it spelled out to that you're still a PERSON needing acute medical/dental attention. I'm going to say this again - WTF?! I feel really bad, especially having advised you to be honest with the dentist. Sad

What does this dentist expect you to do?? Did s/he tell you anything...like go see this or that other dentist? If I were you I would file a complaint the American Dental Association, because s/he's leaving you with an untreated infection due to ignorance and holier-than-thou judgement. I know that's not your main concern right now, but I think when this is all over it's one way to ensure he doesn't do this to another patient.

If you can't get your sub doc to call the dentist, I guess you're left with having to call other dentists and telling them your situation over the phone. I would look for one that advertises emergency dental treatment.

Again, Mia, I feel so awful for you. I wish I could help you out with all of this.
_________________
-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

omg, Mia! THAT SUCKS! That dentist is an ass, and that is being nice. You need to file a complaint. How can they do that to someone.... def. get in touch with the AMerican Dental assoc. like Hatmaker said.
Maybe Dr. J will see this and have some suggestions for you. You can not let those surgeries go, you could end up very sick. Please call around for other dentist and don't put it off. I'm so sorry Mia. Please keep us posted.

I feel like something is missing here. What went on? What actually happened? What was said by the dentist? I have no doubt that something went on here but I'm having a real hard time understanding what it is. Did you say I'm taking Suboxone and in response the dentist said "well then I can't take care of you" or "I don't treat addicts" or what? Did he give you a reason? Did he give you a referral at least? Please tell us the rest of the story.

donh - i do not appreciate the rudeness of your message. the people who comment on the things i write have been commenting since i first joined this site and have been so helpful. you however come off very rude, almost like youre questioning the truth of what i said and i dont like it. therefore, i will not dignify any of your questions with answers. IF anyone else that has been following my updates and that have been supportive, feel free to ask me anything.

Mia, were you able to find another dentist? I'm very worried for you.... you have had such a rough go of things lately, I m wishing you all the best. Keeping you in my prayers.....

On another note, I don't think donh's intention was to be rude. Just to find out exactly what was said so some advice could be given. But, that is how I took it. I can understand why you are upset cause it seems as addicts we always get questioned about things, but I think donh just wanted to be able to give you some good advice or to help.

I know you are stressed out and sick, and even though I don't know you I am very worried for you! Please keep us posted.

How totally negligent of that dentist to turn you away with an active infection! I agree with everyone that you need to turn that guy in, but first you have to get that infection taken care of. Did he at least give you antibiotics? I ve heard that left untreated that kind of thing can spread to the brain for God sakes. I hope you are able to find someone today.
Also, I agree with RTLmom, Donh is on this forum all the time helping people - I don't think the post was meant to be rude -just trying to understand an incomprehensible situation. I too, was wondering what the dentist's excuse was for turning you away.
Good luck,
Lilly

[align=justify][code]

Hi Mia,

I'm sorry, that's the last thing you need right now. What did the dentist say?

Honestly, I don't think donh was being rude to you. I think he just wanted to get to the bottom of what happened and what the dentist said to you. It's just so awful that the dentist treated you like that, and I think donh was trying to be helpful. I know you are going through a lot right now and it's hard when someone comes in to the conversation that you have not met yet.

We are all very supportive of you, and care about you and just want the best for you. You really need a safe place to talk about things and this is a safe place, honestly.

Let us know how you are doing today. Did you find another dentist? In Canada there is a phone number for emergency dentist treatment that you can get to 24 hours a day. I do not know if you have that where you live but you could check. Please also check with your sub doctor. he may know of a dentsit that he works with that can help you.

Please stay in touch with us and let us know how you are doing, okay??? We all care!

Ginger

WOW! I guess there are many things I could say, but then I might actually say something that really is rude. I'll just chalk it up to the current stress you clearly must be under. Thank you very much Ginger, Lilly and RTL for seeing through to my actual intent. I re-read what I wrote but still am not sure what I did wrong. Oh well, I just tried to help, like I have with dozens of others here over 250+ posts. I hope you are feeling better very soon Mia.

First of all, it was the TONE of donh post. IT wasn't said in a concerned manor, more of a questioning one. That is just my opinion, and after all, everyone is entitled to have one. It has nothing to do with the amount of stress that I am under.. I don't lash out on people, it's not my style. Again, it's just my opinion.

Anyways.. about my dentist.
He had a condescending attitude from the point on when I told him about the suboxone. Before I told him, he had the "bib" thing on me and was discussing how he needed to pull the tooth then do some type of procedure on the infected area. Then, I asked what the after procedure was going to be, since he openly told me it was going to be very painful. He left the room and told me he needed to contact my sub doctor, but yet didn't even ask his name.. then not even one minute later he came back in saying I think you need to contact another doctor, you're beyond my help. He didn't even refer me to a new doctor, just a "dental surgeon". And that's it.. that's what happened. I have my appointment with the new sub doctor Tuesday (I thought it was Friday but confused it with another appointment) it's my hope that he'll be understanding and willing to work with me. I also found the names of some dentists that take my insurance.. So, I'm going to start calling them Monday. I have a baby shower to go to tomorrow and it just sucks royally that I have to go feeling miserable, and with an ugly rash on my face.

Thank you all for the supportive/concerned messages!