JayJay - I am worried about you! I hope you get access to a computer so you get this. I'm so sorry things have taken a bad turn for you. Did you have a doctor check you after you fell?...you might have a concussion or some other type of head injury that's causing your speech to be affected or something. If it's the Xanax that's making your speech slur or making you act odd, that's another story...and maybe you need to not be taking it or else talk to your doctor about how it's affecting you.
In any case, you're family is probably just reacting to seeing a change in your behavior that scared them and/or made them feel you had relapsed. I wish they hadn't treated you the way they did....because that's not going help you. Quitting Suboxone sure isn't going to help you!
Whatever you do...don't give up, you've come too far! If you're reading this too late and something has happened and you've relapsed....it's okay - you can start over. Do whatever you have to do to get some help! We're all pulling for you! Please post as soon as you're able so we'll know if you are okay.
ok i'm back, I hope. Had a long talk with my family and even though they will never understand what i'm going through I tried once again to explain. They are smart people, but they act so dumb when it comes to my treatment. I've gotten brochures and paperwork from my Rx and web sites to go to and it's like they just don't want to know. I know they blame themselves for what i've done in my life, even though i've told them a thousand times that it has nothing to do with them, or anything that they did but that doesn't help. It sucks not being able to have them on my side, but I hope after all this is done I can be "normal" enough for them to see me as me and not see me as there addict son. Well got to go, gonna eat some turkey and try to forget about life for a day. BTW done with anxiety meds, and sleeping meds. I don't need them anymore and there just something that I don't need in my system, and they seem to be doing more harm than good anymore. Happy Thanksgiving everyone!!!!!!!!!!!!! _________________ JayJay Sober Since July 9th, 2008
I'm really glad you're ok jsp4th I was worried after your last post about how you were doing. My parents were extremely upset when they first found out I chose to start Suboxone maintenance. They knew nothing about Suboxone at the time but they assumed it was the same as methadone which unfortunately they have very negative stereotypes about people on methadone even though I've seen several other addicts really get their lives back together and start living "normally" while on methadone but I suppose that's another discussion (point being I see methadone as a great option if it's done right). Anywho after they started crying and telling me how dissapointed they were with me for starting Suboxone I stuck with it and as time went by and I got another job, re-enrolled in school, brought my GPA back up from 0.9 ish to my current average of 3.2, started making good decisions, got rid of all my friends who were still using, etc. (the list goes on and on) they have realized how much Suboxone has benefitted me and I'm not "impaired" in any way and that combined with what they've seen happen to others we know in recovery who didn't choose Suboxone and have unfortunately relapsed time and time again they now really support my treatment. They have even said that once I'm no longer covered by their insurance (when I turn 25) they're willing to help out if that's what it comes to. On the 21'st I celebrated 3 years since the last time I used and I cannot say for sure that I could have done that without Suboxone. I really think that if my extremely stubborn and thick headed parents were able to be open enough to see all the changes I've made then just about everyone else's family could be open to Sub maintenance as well if it's working. I really think that after more time jsp4th if you keep doing the right thing your family would at least have to see that while they may never agree with something they won't be able to deny it's worked and helped you to stay clean and well alive for goodness sakes.
Also on a tangent I do think it's a good idea to stop taking benzo's (if that was what you were talking about and if you're under the supervision of a doctor of course). I thought for so long that nothing but benzos could help with my extreme social anxiety but as I quickly found out benzos helped for maybe a few days but after that I was right back at square one. I had even tried SSRIs in the past and because of the side efffects I felt more anxious than I had before starting the medication. I got so sick of how things were though that I decided to give SSRIs another shot and after awhile (the course of several months) we found that after I had gotten used to the side effects and rode out the first couple of rough weeks that I felt much better than I ever had before and to my utter disbelief the change was much more pronounced than it ever had been when taking benzos and best of all SSRIs haven't stopped working for me yet and it's been about a year or so now. So if you're still having anxiety problems you may want to at least ask your doctor about trying an SSRI.
Anyways I'm glad you're alright and now it's back to finishing up some turkey day leftovers _________________ "Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
-Abraham Lincoln
I am so glad you are OK, and that you have at least an understanding with your parents. I was worried about you.
When you hit your head so hard, do you think you had a concussion? That can mimic lots of other things - slurred speech, etc.
Anyway - glad you are back - and if you have to go it alone with outside support - we are here!
I'm also interested in how you weaned off the anxiety medications. I'm facing that in the future as well - but I want to tackle only one beast at a time. Great to hear from you!
Thanks for the advice with doctor for getting generic bupe.....BUT he doesn't feel comfortable yet. I never IV'd, never messed up with suboxone, told him, but IV'ing is big where his practice is so I think that is why he is reluctant....Thanks tho!!
I am glad everything worked out at home for you. My mother (father passed away) and brother (lil bro, 24) plus my best friends all wonder when I am going to taper, why I am on suboxone....drug for a drug, etc etc etc. I ask how long since they seen me like this and they cant remember. I say well isnt that enough proof that I should be on bupe for now, for ever, or whatever? Plus this is the ONLY script that I NEVER abused in any way....thats a sign!
I think it is really hard for non addicts to understand our situation(s), (I should say non addicts of opiates or an addict that hasnt hit a bottom and doesnt want help...., in my case, cause many friends/other family smoke pot and/or drink, plus I know people taking gaggers of coke, then asking why I am on suboxone and a lady friend that (not girlfriend, friends gf) used to IV heroin, hasnt for a while, but takes illegal pain killers black market all the time for "legit pain"(go to a doc, but anyways....) saying that her friend only used suboxone for this long so why do I need longer....come on, really!).
My lil bro is still in college, (I never graduated college, so that is held high over my head, different story....), so "he knows it all" or at least acts that way....not saying that all college students are full of themselves, but my brother is!....anyway.....he is studying phsyc, SSRI, etc, level 400s classes....he's not stupid I know, but he thinks that he understands my addiction. It is VERY frustrating as too with my mother not understanding it. (excuse spelling please)
I took care of them for years while fully addicted to many things, agoinists especially, but now since I am repairing my life and financial situation, they hold that over my head like crazy! They HATE that I cant pay every single bill of mine and theirs plus the houses anymore and that they need to chip in. I did make a promise to my father that I would take care of them if something ever happened (which he died soo suddenly, but he knew he was going to and thats why he told me to take care of them, haaaaa...another long story), so now I have that guilt to no end that I failed because of my addiction, and now they have to help me out.
I am 26, I think you said you are 24 but I could be wrong......so being around the same age I have somewhat similar problems. I am glad that you were able to talk to your family and make them understand or somewhat understand what you need and are going through. Good luck with everything .....and I know this was off subject a bit, but if I can help just lemme know......peace _________________ "The past is finished. There is nothing to be gained by going over it. Whatever it gave us in the experiences it brought us was something we had to know."----Rebecca Beard
"Have no fear of perfection - you'll never reach it." ---Salvador Dali
I have been on Suboxone/Subutex for almost 3 years now. I had a heavy oxycontin habit although I never IVed at my end I was doing 160mg minimum and some days my friends and I would snort 4-6 80mg pills in addition to taking xanax, ambien, and other prescriptions because my friend worked at a mom and pop pharmacy and ganked everything and basically gave it to us at first then only very small amounts. This went on for over 2 years. Well eventually he got fired for going to work messed up and then SWAT busted in his door because someone ratted on him. At this time all he had was a bit of weed in the house so no charges ensued. After that I quit cold turkey or tapered down with methadone over a few days or used kratom about a dozen times, but I always went back. This time paying full price and dealing with shady people and doing shady things. I actually got clean for about 2 months and then I had Lasik eye surgery. I was told I would only be given a 10mg valium if I wanted it and that there was no pain involved so no pain killers would be involved. They said 2-3 days and you can go back to school/work. Well after the surgery as I am leaving the office they give me 4 Darvocet's and a script for 15 7.5mg hydrocodone w/ 500mg APAP. I wasn't going to take it, but that 2-3 days and back to work was BS. It was EXTREMELY uncomfortable all the time. I had to wear sunglasses to watch TV. So I eventually gave the pills to my almost fiance and told her to only give them to me like the bottle said or actually even less. So I took 1-2 half pills a day even less than prescribed. Only took them for 8 days and you know what? Freaking withdrawals from that. At least I felt them in my head; now I think it was just me panicking and most of the symptoms were in my head, but at the time it seems like pretty tough withdrawals. So got a few methadone to wind down easy and BAM back on oxycontin for 3 months. During this time me and my fiance parted ways(she didn't even know I was using again), but this was for the best anyways just happened to be the worst timing ever. I decided to quit again cold turkey(I was already back up to doing 80-160mg a day). Quitting cold turkey after a binge like that and while breaking it off with your fiance is a bad idea. Worse withdrawal EVER! Probably mostly in my head because before a bit of kratom and hot baths 4-5 times a day and I could make it through. This time I couldn't get past day 3. I couldn't sleep. I would take 4mg of xanax and no sleep. I would take 30mg of ambien and no sleep. Not a wink for over 72 hours. So I go to the emergency room w/ my mom who is a nurse. They give me clonodine. It doesn't help so I immediately go score. Then I get online and find out about suboxone and rapid detox. I beg my mom to let me do rapid detox, but she won't because of the money. She says she will ask her doctor friend about suboxone. I go to the doctor two days later. Fall asleep during the 3rd 8mg pill sitting up.
Haven't done an opiate since. I too switched to Subutex because nalaxone was making me have anxiety issues which I deal with anyways. I have low endorphin related depression/anxiety so no benzo or antidepressant ever worked, but pain killers did. Doctor's do not understand low endorphin related depression very well yet and only two antidepressants address it (Cymbalta and Effexor) but Cymbalta only does in tiny amounts and Effexor is addictive the current taper method is completely stupid.
So I have been on Subutex for about 1 1/2 years and it really makes a difference for me. Plus the nalaxone only keeps you from IVing the drug not snorting it and since I have never IV'd anything or failed a drug test for my doctor he was fine switching me. He actually suggested it. I never ever knew about Subutex.
I too have been on the generic Subutex, but my pharmacy only carried them for two months. For some reason they switched back to the originals after that so my experience is limited.
Things I noticed in my three years
1. Suboxone tastes like crap. I really thought it was orange flavored because of the color for like 6 months. Citrus/Lime flavor and orange color doesn't make sense.
2. Subutex is easier on the nerves if you have anxiety problems at all mention them to your doctor. Nalaxone when taken under the tongue in Suboxone is such a small amount it doesn't effect the body in any way. UNLESS you are sensitive to it which apparently I am.
3. Subutex tastes better. I think it is supposed to be not flavored because to me it tastes like nothing. If you fall asleep with the pill in your mouth though it can leave a HORRIBLE taste on your tongue that is tough to get rid of even with brushing.
4. Subutex breaks down faster under tongue compared to Suboxone.
5. Generic Subutex breaks down faster under the tongue than the original. I have had one break down in like 5-7 minutes.
6. Generic Subutex is a smaller/harder pill, but it tastes the same.
Taking some sort of laxative or at the very least eating more fiber is essential while on Buprenorphine. I learned this the hard way. Taking Ducalax works well, but it isn't very healthy to take long term. Epsom Salts every other day is what I take and it keeps me exactly regular. Once a day. I know it's gross, but it's important. If you are only crapping once a week or even twice a week it is not healthy
DO NOT take benzo's while on Buprenorphine! I can't believe a doctor would prescribe that. It is a big no no my doctor says.
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