where did the last decade go???

Hi all! I am a newbie and this is actually my first post ever, though I have been reading alot of your stories. I guess I will start by telling some background. I am a 28 year old male, who currently lives in VA. I have 2 wonderfull children that are the light in my life. I am married and going on 4 years, though we have been together for 8. She has got to be the most loving, beautiful, perfect woman in the world. For a woman like that to marry a putz like me, I won the lottery. I have a good job, a nice house, a great family, and oh by the way, I am addicted to opiates. It does not matter what flavor or kind. I have been addicted for the last 10 years.
I always thought of addicts being some bum, on the side of the road, bumming money for the next fix. I never understood how someone would let something so small and unremarkable, cause so much kaos in there lives. I didnt even like taking tylenol at the time and just didnt see the attraction of any drugs. Going through high school I never even tried pot! It was not for the lack of being able to get it. In fact the majority of my friends used recreationally. They all would try and get me to just have a "hit", but I never had the urge. The last year in high school I got involved in Body Building. I put a lot of focus and time into the gym. This continued after graduation and into my 20s. When I was 19 years old I started getting into " performance enhancing" drugs, also known as steroids. During that stent a friend introduced me to "Bain". I know most of you all probably have not heard of this, I hadnt either. I was under the usumption that it was just another type of steroid. My friend explained it as being a fat burner that will help with the aches and pains with working out. At the time I was injecting steroids, so it didnt bother me to inject this. But I will tell you, after that first shot, there was no going back. I started out only using on gym days. That quickly gave way to everyday, all day. I never really thought it was a big day. I mean, I could order it off the internet, and it would show up a couple days later. I soon found myself buying it by the case (25) bottles, and selling it too pay for my own habit.
Every thing was wonderful for years, untill one day my order did not show up. My supplier had ran out and would be out for 3 weeks. WOW, 9 hours after my last shot, what is going on! I felt like I was dying! I started researching what I had been taking for this past year, and soon found out I was an Opiate addict. Nalbuphine (Nubain) is a partial antagonist/agonist opioide. I didnt know what to do! At the time I was training a new guy at work and he saw how sick I was. I dont know how exactly we started getting on the subject of opiates, but we did. He said that he had an endless supply of something that is much better. He said that it would help me get over "shooting up". At that time he gave me this beautifull little blue pill, and no it was not Viagra. I took it that night and wowwwwww, it was all over(80 mg OC). The next few years was nothing but the endless pill searching, lying, stealing, and cheating. I even tried to go back to the "Nubain" cause to me it was not that bad when I was using it. This was my first and only expierience of "percipitated withdrawls" I guess I should have done my homework. I bumped that shot and BAM, the worst feeling of my life. It was not good and I am getting chills just thinking about it. Needless to say that transition back to Nubain was not successful.
I am sorry for this being soo long so I will wrap it up. In this period with the oxycontin I just so happend to blow out my knee. So after 3 surgeries and still a very bad knee, I have been going to Pain Management. They pretty much give me enough drugs to kill a horse, so between those and the endless 80s I have been living in a fog, Untill today. Last night I took my last 80mg OC, and one hour ago I started Suboxone. I will say, I am so far impressed. I was kind of sceptical but now I am a believer. I feel great and am very optimistic about my chances and this treatment. I am also excited about tomorrow which is my first group meeting. My only complaint with the program I am on is the time commitment. I know that I am in for the fight of my life and I have excepted that meetings are a part of this fight, a very important fight. But I am required to go to a group meeting once a week, 3 NA meetings a week, and not to mention the sub dr once a week. This is going to be very difficult for me with my wife and kids, but I am looking at it like I am not going to have to spend time looking for drugs or lying in bed sick when I run out. So I am hoping it all goes good.
Well all, I thank you all for taking the time to read my story. It really helps to let it out and also to read everyones stories and to know that I am not alone. I wish everyone the best in not only there recovery, but also in life. God bless

Welcome eddie! It's great to have you here. I'm glad you found us! Thank you for sharing your story....that's a good one! Every one of us has a story to tell, that's for sure! Your's is a little different.....your opiate addiction starting with Nubain, I'd say, is pretty unusual. As a nurse, I would often give Nubain to help with some of the side effects of morphine or fentanyl, so I am familiar withe the drug. I bet a lot of people aren't though. I recall one time at the hospital where I worked, the nurse/doctor weren't aware of what Nubain is or how it works. Anyway....it was ordered and given to a gal who was on Methadone for heroin addiction....oh dang, it was a bad day for that poor gal! So yeah, I bet you suffered when you took the Nubain on top of oxy! That sucked, no doubt!
I'm glad you found your way to Suboxone. Can you believe how great you feel?!? It's just amazing to me how well this stuff works. It sounds like you've got a good program in place...you should have a terrific shot at doing well. It's not easy at all and it requires a lot of vigilence, but you can get better. We're all in it with you here.
Please keep coming back here. Take some time to read around the forum, you'll find lots of information!

Eddievincent I really feel for you bro. The pursuit of size and strength has a dark and dangerous underside that many outside the sport are unaware of. I have heard Nubain described as an anabolic (it's not) and a super recovery agent allowing you to blast through the pain of training.(it does but christ you pay when it wears off).
Any fan of the Iron Game of the last 20 years will have heard the sad tale of Paul 'Quadzilla' DeMayo, a huge and talented musclehead who could have perhaps one day won the Mr Olympia. He won some big shows ( I'm writing this purely from memory so no details) and was destined for the top. Unfortunately he was invoved in a domestic dispute with his partner, during which he fired a gun.Obviously the question of Roid Rage has been posed as a factor in this. Nobody was hurt, but the judge gave Paul a stiff jail term from which he never seemed to recover. Upon his release, he seemed to go underground, never being seen on the posing stage again.
Well, turns out that he had been a heavy 'bain user during his career, and had turned to heroin as it was cheaper.He died just a couple of years ago in his early thrities, a sad casualty of the bodybuilding lifestyle.
I really hope that you find success with suboxone and proper counselling,this site is very valuable and you will meet some amazingly nice people, each with their own experiences to tell.
Good luck Eddie, and best wishes to your family.
Sneaky

This site is one of a kind, sort of an online family, a few 12 steppers here, hope you stick around long enough to see WHO they are, You'll know when they climb someones ass , Good Luck, Mike

Eddie thanks so much for sharing your story. I'm glad you found our forum and I hope it helps you as much as it has me. It's just such a wonderful feeling to know YOU ARE NOT ALONE Smile

I'm so excited for you and I can't tell you all the wonderful things that have happened in my life since I stopped using. Isn't it so wonderful to be able to go to sleep, wake up in the morning, go to work, hang out with family, etc. without having to score some oxy first? It just totally blew my mind how free I felt when I started Suboxone. The first couple of weeks of having to go to the doctor a few times was nothing after having spent every waking hour of my time using constantly having to steal, cheat, lie, and manipulate people so I could stop feeling so sick from withdrawals. I know that after a month or so my Dr. allowed me to only have to come once per month for an appointment and after 1 year of clean drug screens, pill counts, etc I only have to go see my Dr. every 2 months:) So lets see would I rather spend an hour or so every 2 months or spend every minute of every hour of every day of the year constantly being enslaved to oxy? No contest at least in my opinion and the other great part is that some people actually enjoy being around me now Smile

I guess the only advice I have is to make sure and do what your doctor tells you to do. I know another big part of me being able to stay clean has been from learning to trust an actual doctor to take care of my health and not pretending to be my own doctor. I also had to find a hobby or activity to occupy all the time I used to spend using. I was lucky enough to get involved with a group of younger people (in their 20's as I'm 24) who don't use drugs anymore and so I was able to stay pretty busy hanging out etc. I also started jogging which has been another great way of occupying my time as well. Anyways I need to get going here I'm sure you're going to do great and I'm so glad to have heard your story. Please keep us up on how you're doing
_________________
"Am I not destroying my enemies when I make friends of them?"
-Abraham Lincoln

Thanks everyone for taking time to read my story and give some great advice. We all have stories and I have read a lot of them on here. Even though most have there own little plots, they all end up the same. I just got home from my first NA meeting ever. It was a surprisingly great time. I met some really great people and have ended up with a temp sponser for now. My doc said it would be a good idea to set up a temp sponser untill I get a good feel for some people. My doc is really big into the 12 steps and I think I am beging to see why. Aparently they work or else it wouldnt be the basis of most recovery programs. If there is one thing I have always been good at in life, it is diving full speed into what ever I do. So I think I am going to do the same with my recovery. I think that is the only way that it is going to work. There is one question I have for anyone out there with the answer. I think that suboxone is a wonderful tool in recovery. But I really got the feeling tonight that NA is sort of against any drug. Kind of like your not sober unless you are completly clean. So now I am a little confused. Am I not ever going to be clean if I end up needing suboxone for the rest of my life? Just been bothering me, I really felt ashamed and reluctant to share my story in there and I dont think that this will help me as much. Maybe I just need to try a different group! Well once again, thanks for all the support. I will continue in my sobriety as I hope everyone else here will also. My prayers are with all of you. Thanks