[b] Hello world!! First thing I would like to say is THANK YOU all of you from the bottom of my heart. I am on day 5 of being on the suboxone. I have been bouncing from blog to blog devouring information like no other. I honestly feel like all of the support and love on these forums has been the deciding factor in me following through with the sub induction phase. Enough said on with my introduction, that is the point of this board after all.
I am 23 and have been an addict since I was 11 years old, opiates since 16. No need in rehashing war stories as i'm sure we all can say "been there done that" . In my 6 years of opiate dependance I can honestly say that I have MAYBE 3 months of total sobriety with my longest stint at 60 days, whew! I was one of the first patients in my "drug community" to discover and be precribed subutex in 2005. I remember being prescribed 120 8mg subutex, Ambien CR, Ativan, Klonopin, and Klonodine. looking back, that dr. never gave me a chance at success. It didn't work for me. I was chipping and basically just using them to hold the w/d at bay until i could score. Eventually i started selling them to support my habit. The rest is history. A year of this and my dr. eventually loses his license and his practice is shut down.
Fast forward a month ago. I had been going to a methadone clinic for 2 years up until a month ago. I could no longer afford the outrageous fees nor did I have it in me to wear the "liquid handcuffs" anymore. I decided to call a dr. in town that had a reputation as actually wanting to help addicts instead of just take there money. I eventually left the clinic at 50mg no taper. I was nervous to say the least, but had faith in my dr. that the detox would be possible. He gave me a prescription to Dilaudid for the first week. Ummm...ya i'm not going to lie, I was STOKED! I took about 10-12 a day to keep me functioning at work while the methadone left my system. It was no cakewalk that I had envisioned. It was hell. I started using heroin to help me work, sleep, etc.
Fast forward to two weeks ago. My follow up with the dr. was supposed to be the day that i started the suboxone. I had been using daily but had not used in 16-24 hours. I was definitly afraid of the precipitated w/d that I had experienced those years ago...day one i took 3 8mg strips, 1 every hour (I was prescribed half a strip every 6 hours). Bad idea. My addict brain says if 1 isn't working, take more! later that night sat down with a bag of heroin and smoked it all which just barely got me well. I repeated this process for about a week and a half. I could not commit. Now my lack of faith in subs was reinforced by the way my body felt. Of course, it couldn't of been the way I was doing things, no, it was this crappy medication.
The great change happened one night that I was broke, w/d really bad and had the night off work. I stumbled on Dr. Junig's site and read for hours and hours, learning about "ceiling effect" and induction period. I decided to e-mail Dr. Junig and miraculously he responded. His words were insightful, sensical, and...right. I decided that I would give this one more shot.
Fast forward to a week ago. Less is more. Oh my god is that true with suboxone! 4mg in the am and 4mg at night. It was a miracle. The first three days were a little rough, but I kept thinking positive and manning up. I kept in contact with Dr. Junig and kept returning to these forums every day and night absorbing other much wiser peoples info and experiences. After day 3 I felt like I made it through the worst of it. I feel like theres hope again. I can finally have my life back.
Whew that was taxing, and if you read this I thank you because writing this all down has been so theraputic. I am on day 5 now 8mg per day suboxone and am starting to love my life for the first time in 6 years. I would also agsin like to thank all the moderators and all of my fellow addicts for there knowledge and support for eachother and hope to someday be able to help others as well. Peace n Love
Any advice on where to go from here would be greatly appreciated