Anita Journal

I'm going to start a journal as I can see how it helps others and I will be able to have it as a reference for when I get discouraged. I hope this ends up being a true taper journal. I'll try to keep it brief.
Today is my 19th day on 3 mg. Started Subox exactly one month ago. ( My whole story is in the introduction area). I put this in the pain section since I'm a chronic pain patient and no doubt I'll be trying some other meds. So, today is the first day that I woke up feeling close to normal. Slight ringing in my ears, but no anxiety. That is huge. I've truly never felt this kind of opiate / subox anxiety thing and now I understand it relates to being below the ceiling. So, I hope today is a sign that future days at this dose will be easier. I see my dr. this week.
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

I saw my pain doctor today and told her how after I stopped the Methadone after 3 days I had to go on suboxone and we sought out a suboxone dr. that she had mentioned. There was no way I was going to tolerate that withdrawal much longer.. i was spent. She was pretty surprised in the sense that my doses were low. ( I keep hearing that over and over from my dr's but it just didn't matter).. but then she talked to me about how we all have our unique DNA that is so individual and we are all wired differently . She talked about the "bell curve" of dependence and how she has had plenty of patients at high doses taper very easily. So, I happen to be at the extreme end of the bell curve. So, all this medical talk just means " I was hooked." She wants me to start on some Nortryptiline now rather than wait until the end of the taper which will be several months from now. She doesn't want my pain to increase while I continue to decrease the Suboxone. She reiterated slow is the way to go with the taper... despite her rather quick prescription of the Methadone taper for me. I feel really supported by her and I see my doctor at the end of the week regarding suboxone. Today was a decent day. I woke up kind of shaky and then after the first dose things were ok. Had a little bit of a wave of anxiety mid-day- before second dose but rest of day was good. This is day 19 of 3 mg- one month of being on Suboxone. I probably pushed it too fast to this dose.. but I just did not want to be on a higher dose equivalent, albeit not very accurate. So that's it for this first pain appointment while on Suboxone.
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Live like you mean it !

Anita, I have always been on low doses of meds too, mostly because of narcotic rotation by the PM doc. Previous doctors have told me just to stop these meds, I would have no problems! I was on 5 mg of methadone twice a day and was told to just stop. OMG, after 12 hours, I was in horrific withdrawal......the doc said it was completely in my mind. Vomiting, diarrhea, legs cramping, shaking, really?? I am absolutely sure it was NOT all in my mind.

I think we have the genetics that addict our bodies so quickly, and our opiate receptors are kindled to the point of being fried after being on and off so much stuff.

I am praying for you and hope things settle down and you start to feel better.

Robin

Robin... thanks so so much for your prayers and encouragement. Sounds like we have some similar experiences. How are things going with your taper? Your around 1mg a day already right ? How did you decide to do the rapid detox/taper as opposed to the longer one ?
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Anita, I'm so happy to hear that your pain doc is being so supportive of you. That means so much when you're in the transition that you are now. Keep up the good work and remember to listen to your body and allow yourself to adjust to each dosage reduction before reducing again. Smile

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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

I guess anyone who hasn't been through WD themselves really doesn't "get it". To them your methadone dose was just a number on a piece of paper and it "looked" low enough that you should be able to go off no problem. I'm glad she was able to acknowledge that everyone is different, and is supporting you on your current taper. I actually happen to be at 3mg right now myself, and I think staring a tapering thread is a good idea. I wish you the best of luck, and I will be following this thread.
Take care,
Lilly

Much Much Much better 24 hours. I have been taking Clonidine .05 mg ( 2 doses yesterday and 2 so far today). What a world of a difference. Saw my dr. today, and he wants me to stay on the 3mg and use the Clonidine to mitigate my symptoms of W/D. So, the advice I've gotten from you all has been spot on, so thanks much for your help yesterday! It was rough. I think this is going to be an interesting taper to say the least. Siiiigggghhhhhh.......
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Ok, i have to journal when there is a good day too, and today is just that. Clonidine is helping a lot and the good news is that it is helping with my pain. Added bonus for sure. Nice to have my receptors mellowing out a bit.
Making sure I do tai chi, walk, meditate, read, knit, cook, as in be good to self behaviors. One day at a time, for sure. Oh.. and laughter, lots of laughter, funny tv shows, movies et.
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

YAY for Anita, we like good days, they're so.......good!!! Very Happy

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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

Hi Anita *waving* and hoping you are doing OK!!

Robin

Hi all,
I haven't been on the site much and I want to let you all know that I have had to stop my taper. We have had an sad and unexpected illness in my family that I must tend to. Still, I want to thank you for all the support and I will be checking in now and then. I just didn't want to think that I suddenly disappeared, even though I suddenly disappeared.
My best,
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Anita, we will be keeping your blog warm. Just take care of you and yours. Life is so damn random, it truly is one day at a time. That is the one thing AA got right (in my opinion)

I am sitting here watching 'Weeds' on dvd and laughing my A$$ off. I think you guys could use a little of the laughing stuff right now.

Sending Big Love, Robin

We miss you and hope you are doing OK XOXOXO

Hi Everyone, it's been several weeks since I posted. I was in the middle of a taper- around 2-3 mg a day when we got terrible news. My husband has been diagnosed with cancer which requires very extensive treatment. Chemo/radiation then wait 6-8 weeks then surgery. So, obviously, we were totally blindsided, devastated, world turned upside down.. Got all that? It's scary. So, in terms of what that meant for the taper, we stopped. I need to be in my best form to care for him, so right now, tapering is not the right approach. I'm on about 4 mg a day but I still have nasty w/d symptoms between doses so I am going to try and see if I can eliminate that by traveling above the ceiling a bit- around 5-6 a day. If you remember, Romeo probably does, I was always on low doses of opiates. Like 5mg 3x a day of Methadone when I transitioned to Suboxone for tapering. I had been on MS Contin 20 mg twice a day for chronic pain before that so my doses were pretty low. So, still not sure why my Subox doses need to be higher that I thought they would, but I suspect some bioavailability issues and just the difference in metabolism perhaps. Anyway, I am going to give 6 a try because I need to be in a place where mentally I'm not fluctuating so much with what the doses do to me. I get tinnitus, muscle twitching, jittery when I near the next dose. Any thoughts, given the new dynamics? I want this to be a minimal interruption in my life right now so I can be the best caretaker possible for my husband.
Thanks,
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Anita". i'm very sorry for your husband. up your dose to 6mg" you have nothing to lose
you would be more stable in your thinking on what things you need to do. like every one say's
i'm not a doc- but about your methadone at a low dose" you have been on subs long enough to
up your dose a little i think?

John, I think so.... and I'll do it slowly and see what results are like
Thanks for your response and concern,
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Wow, Anita, I'm so sorry about the bad news. I totally agree that you need to be on a good solid maintenance dose right now and not be going through the stress of tapering during this trial. I pray that all will go well for your husband, and please continue to post when you can.
Lilly

Hi everyone, well.. life is indeed spent in the world of cancer right now and I just wanted to check in. It also helps to read my journal. I actually forgot that I spent 19 days at 3.0 mg. That's probably why when I increased to 5, 6 I felt like a total zombie... and hated it. I'm now down to 3.5 mg again and actually going to proceed with the taper. My question is this: I'm starting to use very small amounts of Clonidine, like 1/4 to 1/2 of a 0.1 mg tablet. I'm curious to know if others ever use the Clonidine around the dose of 3.0 mg. I hope everyone is doing well- keep up the good fight!
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Hi Anita, good to see you again!

There have been several people on the forum who started taking Clonidine during their taper. It helps to relieve wd symptoms whether you're tapering or whether you're jumping off of Suboxone.

Several people have also started back on an Anti-Depressant before they jump to try and manage the depression that comes with wd or PAWS. You might want to consider this too?
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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!

Thanks so much for your response Romeo. I really appreciate it.
anita
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Live like you mean it !

Hi everyone! It's been a long long time. Remember, I had just come to the site when I started sub and then 4 weeks later, my beloved husband gets diagnosed with cancer! Yikes, what a ride it has been. Chemo/radiation and now he is recovering from a major surgery. This is a life altering deal for sure, but he had a great response to treatment so i remain very hopeful. Still, it is a scary scary thing to go through. One day you think you are perfectly fit, and the next day you start chemo . Crazy is all I can say.
So, the good news on my end is that I was having so much trouble with the film getting an even dose and then lo and behold I started to develop a big allergy to it in my mouth and had to switch to the tabs. Well, now that I am on the tabs, I am getting better absorption, lasting longer. I rarely have the ringing in my ears, or muscle/eye twitches and visual disturbances. Once in a while I get the tremor. So, I am now starting to taper, real slowly. I'm down from 12 mg to 10 mg on the tabs and I'll lower it every 2 weeks. I can't believe how much better the tabs work for me than the film. Not sure how I'll handle it at the low doses, maybe have to do the sterile water trick. So, that's my story. I'll post in my journal now and then. I got my honey through the worst part of the cancer therapy so now I have to refocus on my stuff and continue the taper. I'd like to be off of it in 9 months and feel well enough to look for work within a year. Does that sound like a reasonable goal ? Thanks and Happy Holidays to you all Anita
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Live like you mean it !

That sounds like a reasonable goal, yes.

I'm so glad you and your husband made it through the treatment and that so far he's doing well. In fact I'm thrilled to hear it. I can only imagine what it's been like for you. Keep up the good fight. And happy holidays to you as well. Thanks for the update.
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-As I have grown older, I've learned that pleasing everyone is impossible, but pissing everyone off is a piece of cake.

-I'm only responsible for what I say, not for what you understand.

Update on my taper. Well, leave it to me to find answers in the tabs. Why on earth the film did not work for me I'll never get, but as soon as I moved to the tabs I am doing great. I now have gone over the past few weeks that is down to 6 mg from 12 mg. I know the difficult drops are right around the corner. Seems I'm only needing about a week before a drop and sometimes I did a 2mg drop. I shall be much more conservative when I get below 4mg. Is this rather common to go smoothly from the top but be prepared for some bumps as I head down to 2mg? Anyone want to chime in on their experience with tapering and how it was like for them as they drifted below the ceiling. RIght now I feel like a lot of said it's supposed to feel. As in I'm not having interdose withdrawal and really no symptoms of w/d at all. If I have them, they are incredibly minor and I just notice them and ignore them. THey don't interfere whatsoever.
Well, just wanted to share some good new years news.
Anita
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Hi everyone, hope the new year is starting out good for you all. I have a quick update. First, my husband who is recovering from cancer continues to do well and we are so grateful for that. It was such an awful time going through the treatment and then surgery 2 months ago. He is gaining energy and able to eat better and life feels a little more normal again. I'm happy to say that the tabs continue to work for me. My dr. dropped me down to the 2mg tabs and I am now on 5.5 mg total a day and am continuing with the slow taper. My pain is still under good control as well. So if anyone has bad absorption issues with the film, I vote for trying the bupenorphine tabs.
Well, all for now.
Anita
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Live like you mean it !

Hi Anita,

It's good to hear from you again!

That's fantastic news about your husband. It's so good to hear that he's eating better and getting some energy back.

About your taper, you're doing so good....you slowed it down when you needed to and you're going at YOUR pace, good job!
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Be kind to yourself. Our character defects do NOT define who we are!